I'M BACK || 40 FACTS ABOUT ME

HELLO!

Excuse my silence. It's been so long!

How are you? I'm doing well, thank you.

Talking, something God forgot to put in my skill-set, and like many other anxious introverts, I have bundles of emotions and thoughts inside of me which I haven't expressed to anyone(in words).

In the past few months I've been feelings a lot of emotions. While I know no one is particularly interested in what I hide, I decided to put down for you a few of my secrets( not deepest, darkest. Saving that for myself) and facts. 

Enjoy my current vulnerable state.

1. I've debated starting a blog for years, but only started a few months ago.

2. I don't like where I live. I have a perfect house plan, and how it should look all set out, but we just won't move out!

3. I also want to live alone, or with a friend, which makes the above pointer much easier.

4. I want a car. A small car or a SUV.

5. I'm terrified of Delhi traffic, and when I do venture into the craziness, I will be sweating profusely and can not think of driving alone.

6. I hate people who cheat on tests and assignments. Their confidence makes my angry.

7. I'm extremely competitive with projects or tests. If I don't have the most marks or the best looking assignment, it makes me sad.

8. Procrastination is my friend, we walk hand in hand all day long, which makes the above pointer very hard to achieve.

9. A good day in my life is when I don't have to talk to people and the my phone plays all the good songs.

10. I realized I was a loner when school got over and I spent the months alone until college became a part of my life.

11. When college became a part of my life, I started getting a lot more anxiety attacks and became a professional introvert because I had no one to talk to.

12. I need validation. I make up different scenarios just so I can have it my way.

13. A little attention never hurt, but when its not given, this women likes to think she's worthless.

14. I hate admitting my mistakes. Apologizing is very difficult. 

15. I may or may not have ignored very nice and fun friend recently, and now that I think of it, there are few things I know I've done wrong.

16. I may or may not have a huge crush on one of my friends.

17. I have very few friends, which makes guessing the above two very easy.

18. I take french classes, and there is girl who I'm jealous of.

19. Sometimes I think if I ever spoke more and what I feel, I'd have a better time.

20. My stomach can't handle stress, excitement and Domino's 5 Pepper. My stomach remains queasy for a full 24 hours.

21. We always order Domino's 5 Pepper, and hence pizza night is usually a weekend.

22. I want to become a pilot like my father, but my physics is epouvantable.

23. My fashion sense: A tomboy finally noticing the beauty of dresses, but not finding any that look good so returning back to looking like a boy.

24. I like to think I'm funny and sarcastic.

25. Guilty pleasure: beauty related YouTube videos and a good rom-com.

26. I've started to see the pleasure of cooking and baking.

27. I love dogs and I want to both: get a pup and adopt one.

28. I get overly emotional over commercials showing the plight of people. And I can't stand seeing animals hurt.

29.  I really want to start working out, but my back hurts and I like to lay in bed. Also I can't run. I forget breathing is something and I have a stamina of koala.

30. I cry for an awful lot of reasons. You can call me a crybaby.

31. I don't understand the concept of humans. Even as a kid, I would believe this was some kind or dream and when I wake up, I may not have a body of a human.

32. I had dream that I and a few of my friends had some sort of super power, and a tiger-like creature was killing people and their life was up to the hands of me and my gang.

33. When I was a kid, I used to faint for no reason. This continued till when I was in 8th grade.

34. To remember something takes a lot of effort I'm not willing to take.

35. I don't understand people who string along bigass words only for blogs. Do you actually use those words in real life?

36. I hate missing out but also don't like being in parties. Small talk in not my forte.

37.  I really want to start a YouTube channel, but don't really know what to make videos on.

38. I haven't stayed in touch with any of my school friends, and yet it makes me sad to see some of them spending time together.

39. I had a best friend who moved house and school. She and I grew apart until I couldn't stop thinking she had a better life than I did. I really miss having a best friend.

40. It's been a really long time since I've received a hug from anyone expect my parents.

WOW! Do you know me now? 

How do I end this?

Bye, have a nice day, and I'll see you in the next one.

Love, Natasha.

Dear, Mom

Dear Mom,

Thank you for being such a crucial part of my world. For molding me into an independent individual. (And yet I rely on you for so many things). 

Thank you for making me believe there is good in this world. 

With every mistake I make, thank you for not giving up on me. Pointing out the flaws, even if it is irritating.

Thank you for growing me. Giving me your wonderful genes. And being such a bundle of joy.

You've set a high bar for me, and I don't want to bring it down, instead push it higher and stand on top of it. 
I've always hated you praising other children and not me. But, thank you for not putting me not pedestal, making me think I'm perfect. It would've only brought me down. 

You've always slept after I have, fed me before yourself, cleaning after my mess, bringing me my things even when they're two feet away. Cracking the most silliest of jokes when I'm down.

Ours may not be the ideal mother-daughter relationship, and I will always envy the people I know who have one, but we have something, and that's our something.

I may want to live alone, but please know I still want to be under your shadow.

I realize know how I've never expressed my feelings for you, and jokingly said I hate you (I don't mean it). But it's funny, I've always felt I don't need to, because you know. 

But you also may need to hear it. 

I love you. 

Thank you for putting up with me, how much ever crazy I am. 

Bonne fête des mères! (Happy Mother's Day)

Love, Nuts.

Dear Lilly Singh

Dear Lilly Singh aka IISuperwomanII,

I really don't know how to start but I wanted you to see this. And if you are indeed reading this, I want you to know you're a lovely human being and the most beautiful person I have ever seen. 

When I found you first, three years ago, I'd never have imagined to fall in love with you that very day. Only 2 or 3 videos down, I subscribed. 

Around that time, I was going through a lot. With my grades going up and down, mostly down, people giving up on me, my parents not understanding why I didn't show interest in anything, and the anxiety, I was just broken. 

I don't know how, but you helped me become a better person. You are that one person that everyone needs in their life. 

I have been joked and kicked about. 

There was a time where I would pray to not wake up the next day. But never have I felt this strong, you have made me strong. Stronger even so. From there, you've made me accept my flaws and work on them to make me want to live for a future. 

If I were a sad person before, I am half of that now. 

You are an inspiration. And there just one thing I really want to do, is to just meet you and tell you how I will be eternally grateful for all that you have done for people like me. 

I missed the YouTube fan fest in India both times. 

The tickets to your world tour were vanishing right after you announced them and by the time I got around to buy some for myself, they were all sold out. 

I cried my eyes out. There is no greater feeling than helplessness, and that's exactly how I felt. 

But I can only hope and pray, in the years to come, that I can finally meet you and hug you I like I have always imagined. 

I am a Unicorn, I try to remind myself everyday, and it works its charm. 

Even now, there are days of gloom, but your videos are enough to make me feel better. 

I genuinely appreciate all the efforts you put into all the things you do. And I hope to become at least half the person that you are. I mean every word I have written so far. 

Thank you very much, Lilly, from the bottom of my heart and soul.

And I wish you all the very best for the amazing things that you do. 

Thank you, again. 

Love, 

Nuts. :)

#DearMe

Dear 15 year old me,

Read. Listen. Study. And none of these is about school. 

Love. Learn. Live. You're 15, doesn't mean life isn't to be lived. 

Stay calm. Grades don't define you. And don't learn, understand. You'll know why I say this, later. 

The next two years or so will be difficult but they're not the end of the world. You're going to learn a lot, make friends, lose them too. But the ones who stay, very few, will love you no matter what. 

Stop procrastinating, I repeat, STOP procrastinating. 

Go for that run you keep thinking about. Get fitter. 

Your back will hurt even more, but don't chicken out of all the things you want to do. 

Lose that guy, not good for you. 

Make friends. You will not have many, there will moments when you feel you have none, but remember, you're not alone.
Don't be afraid of others' opinions, and don't be afraid tell them yours. But don't let too much out.
You are gullible, and people are going to take advantage, or use it against you. Careful.
What you're feeling now is normal, but also demands to be attended to. 
You will lose the people you love, so tell them that you do now.
College is not what you think it will be. If you expect so much, you won't be able to enjoy yourself. 
Don't hate on yourself, you're not perfect but you're good, just the way you are. You're not a lost soul, just confused. You always will be.
That ideal person you keep wanting to be is no body. It's you.
Don't doubt on everything that's ever happened, whatever happens, happens for the best.(Just saying, I don't agree with this all the time).
Agree to Disagree. 
Be yourself. Be confident. Be what you want to be, and not what you think you should be.
Laugh. Smile. Be Happy. These are necessities, don't forget.
Love will come (it still hasn't, but it will). Don't fret.
Accept life as it is, and enjoy it. Remind yourself of this every day, till you die.
LOVE yourself.

-Love, Me.

Singapore

Hi y'all!

I've been a lucky girl, when it comes to travelling. I live in India, and my family and I have seen most of it. 

Recently, we had the chance to visit the lovely Singapore. 

This isn't a Thursday for a throwback Thursday, but I loved that place and I'm going to go with the flow. 

  A walk from my hotel, it was always spectacular sight.

     The Merlion. Beauty.

     Marina Bay Sands. 

     The incredible view from the Marina Bay Sands

    Cable car. (I was scared!)

   Love.

    UNIVERSAL STUDIOS! 

Incredible show. I didn't record or click any photos through this show, I just wanted to     enjoy the show.

    Singapore Zoo's highlight! This bad boy decided to show off the for two whole minutes. 

     China market.

    Alex! (Dibs!)

     After this, I literally could not breathe. My whole life, I have loved everything Egyptian. And this made my day.

Bye! :/

I took tonnes of pictures, but I just wasn't sure how many I wanted to put up. There will be more, if I find some nice ones.

Until then, Goodbye! :)

Love, Nuts.

Hello!

Hi, I'm Natasha. 

You can call me Nuts, if you like. 

18 and clueless. 

Let me start by telling you why I decided to start a blog. I don't have any siblings, and I wouldn't say I don't have friends, but there are just a few things I don't like to share with them. 

But when you start holding things back, it's not very pleasant inside. I find this urge to blurt things out so often, that I don't think it's normal. 

It might seem that I ought to keep this blog anonymous, but since I happen to be one of the clumsiest people on this planet, this blog is not anonymous. 

And anyway, I don't think any one is ever going Google me in the near future. Or ever. 

There are quite a few things this entire blog will be contain, like an account of my anxious moments or how I feel about something. I might also post a few photos here and there. I won't call myself a photographer, but I'm not that bad, you know. 

I have been contemplating this blog for a few months, now. And I will admit, I did delete this blog at least 5 times. 

I really don't know what all this shows of me, but if any of it is interesting, you could follow me. There won't be a particular day of my publishing a post, it all happens in the spur of the moment, but I will try. 

This is my alter ego, and the only medium where I feel I can be real. I hope you will understand.

Thank you, to whoever has been reading up till now.

Love, Nuts. :)

P.S. If you're a relative, please keep calm. 

P.P.S if you're a friend, I think we need to talk..!